the finish line eludes me
I won tickets to go see the Busch race in Dover today. Since it rained yesterday, they postponed the Craftsman Truck series race until this morning -- which meant twice as much racing for my free buck. I even sent D to the liquor store to get cans of beer to put in my soft sided cooler thing. (this is in addition to the insane amount of alcohol already in our fridge)
but getting up this morning at 6:30 didn't happen. i was so tired. I am somewhat disappointed, we blew off the race since it's rather grey out, and it's good to rest if rest is what's needed. I love racing -- I don't follow it well, but will watch when I get the chance. I'm not exactly on the up and up on stats and so forth. I really loved watching the last bit of the Indy 500 this year -- maybe Danica will get it then. I get a kick out of femail drivers. Sara Fisher was pretty darn good for a bit, but things kept getting in her way (namely other drivers, car going to crap, etc). I don't know what she's doing now, I haven't seen her name in a bit. Oh and NASCAR fanatic I am not. I like Tony Stewart because he is an asshole who eats, sleeps, breathes, and craps racing-- I have to respect that. Other than that, I'll watch it, but I'm definately an open wheel chick. I was thinking about taking Doug to the Bridgeport Speedway tonight in order to watch racing on the dirt track. That's where I was introduced to it. I love the big block modifieds and the sprint cars. Hoping we can go see the URC Sprints when they're at Bridgeport on 7/30.
Anyway, enough of that stuff, this was meant to be a personal ponderance. I don't know why I like racing so much -- not just autombile, but many types. The idea of having a finish line, of winning, of having a solid goal beckons me like a siren. I've never really had too many of them. I've always subscribed to the 'as long as you enjoy doing it" mode of thinking and my goals are constantly shifting. Is it because I'm a coper? No doubt. I'm used to having to compromise my goals, or lower them, or raise them as I go along. I've have trouble sometimes empathizing with people who have a very solid goal "This is what I want to achieve" and then setting out for it, never looking to either side and just going for it. Sure, some 20 years later, you're CEO but what did you miss along the way to achieve that? I think my major goal is to enjoy living -- that's partially why I'm trying to get back into shape and eat right, and live right. I'd like to live a long time. The exhileration of meeting a goal is wonderful -- for small goals, great -- for big goals, what next?
I suppose it's just the type of person I am (flake) but I don't see any real 'winners' in life. Our finish line is the same no matter who we are. I'm scared shitless of that finish line, and because of that, I'd like to enjoy the race -- every last minute of it. So it makes sense, I think that the girl who rarely finishes anything, would love racing, where it's all about finishing - 'tis my outlet for these things, since paradoxically, I am also highly competitive. Weird eh? Maybe this will make sense to me later, or not at all and I'll delete it.
In a strange mood today. Had dreams about babies and children. One where I was a third party watching my very pregnant self get wheeled around a hospital on a gurney (it was not a happy dream, something was wrong with the baby). Another about Alexa. And another about a two year old boy that I was somehow related to that was dead -- he was lying over the back of a couch when I saw him, someone had found him, dead, and just tossedhim there like you would a coat. His cheek was smashed into the couch cushions, and I remember the curve of his buttcheek - he was naked -- and had a weird impulse to pat it -- the way we do with toddlers who have cute little tushies. Then I cried when it sunk in to me that he was dead. There's more to it, but I can't get the details straight.
Very strange morning of dreams, leaving me more than a little shook up. I think I'll go take a walk now.
but getting up this morning at 6:30 didn't happen. i was so tired. I am somewhat disappointed, we blew off the race since it's rather grey out, and it's good to rest if rest is what's needed. I love racing -- I don't follow it well, but will watch when I get the chance. I'm not exactly on the up and up on stats and so forth. I really loved watching the last bit of the Indy 500 this year -- maybe Danica will get it then. I get a kick out of femail drivers. Sara Fisher was pretty darn good for a bit, but things kept getting in her way (namely other drivers, car going to crap, etc). I don't know what she's doing now, I haven't seen her name in a bit. Oh and NASCAR fanatic I am not. I like Tony Stewart because he is an asshole who eats, sleeps, breathes, and craps racing-- I have to respect that. Other than that, I'll watch it, but I'm definately an open wheel chick. I was thinking about taking Doug to the Bridgeport Speedway tonight in order to watch racing on the dirt track. That's where I was introduced to it. I love the big block modifieds and the sprint cars. Hoping we can go see the URC Sprints when they're at Bridgeport on 7/30.
Anyway, enough of that stuff, this was meant to be a personal ponderance. I don't know why I like racing so much -- not just autombile, but many types. The idea of having a finish line, of winning, of having a solid goal beckons me like a siren. I've never really had too many of them. I've always subscribed to the 'as long as you enjoy doing it" mode of thinking and my goals are constantly shifting. Is it because I'm a coper? No doubt. I'm used to having to compromise my goals, or lower them, or raise them as I go along. I've have trouble sometimes empathizing with people who have a very solid goal "This is what I want to achieve" and then setting out for it, never looking to either side and just going for it. Sure, some 20 years later, you're CEO but what did you miss along the way to achieve that? I think my major goal is to enjoy living -- that's partially why I'm trying to get back into shape and eat right, and live right. I'd like to live a long time. The exhileration of meeting a goal is wonderful -- for small goals, great -- for big goals, what next?
I suppose it's just the type of person I am (flake) but I don't see any real 'winners' in life. Our finish line is the same no matter who we are. I'm scared shitless of that finish line, and because of that, I'd like to enjoy the race -- every last minute of it. So it makes sense, I think that the girl who rarely finishes anything, would love racing, where it's all about finishing - 'tis my outlet for these things, since paradoxically, I am also highly competitive. Weird eh? Maybe this will make sense to me later, or not at all and I'll delete it.
In a strange mood today. Had dreams about babies and children. One where I was a third party watching my very pregnant self get wheeled around a hospital on a gurney (it was not a happy dream, something was wrong with the baby). Another about Alexa. And another about a two year old boy that I was somehow related to that was dead -- he was lying over the back of a couch when I saw him, someone had found him, dead, and just tossedhim there like you would a coat. His cheek was smashed into the couch cushions, and I remember the curve of his buttcheek - he was naked -- and had a weird impulse to pat it -- the way we do with toddlers who have cute little tushies. Then I cried when it sunk in to me that he was dead. There's more to it, but I can't get the details straight.
Very strange morning of dreams, leaving me more than a little shook up. I think I'll go take a walk now.
posted by Laura | 1:19 PM
1 Comments:
Eeek, L. Pretty haunting dreams. I hate those. Why is it that the happy, funny ones don't have a residual effect once you wake up? It's like the bad ones leave a stain on your mind all day, where the good ones wash out easily with the soapy action of the sun coming up. *sigh* Anyhoo... Hope you had a good day. :o)
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