the icing on the cake

i came in today to streamers and balloons and a present and a card from my office. that was really sweet and I love my patrick starfish sprinkler attachment that my boss got me, it'll be lots of fun. there was even a birthday card from the cats by by breakfast plate.

i think it's sad, in some what that my co workers made a bigger to-do about my birthday than my family. we went to mom's last night and she was finishing up a mini-meltdown. devin upset her. well, sort of. more like devin did something that upset her but in such a way as to remind her of something bad and something worse and so forth. so even when devin thought it was all sorted out ( and he was right to be angry for what he was angry for) the wellspring had been tapped. i understand this. sometimes it just takes something minor to cause a great big leak, especially for those of us that bottle up our pain, or anger.

and it has to run dry once it starts. so poor devin doesn't really understand what's going on and thinks that he has every right to be angry, and he does, however his response hurt mom, and he thought he made it better, but he couldn't make it all better so he's left with a lingering feeling of self-righteous confusion that tastes slightly of almond. and me? well I'm here. daryl tried to help which was good. but i don't think the boys understand how this stuff all works.

i do.

but of course i'm always the one saying 'no, i'm not disappointed' when damnit, i am. neither devin or daryl went out to get a cake after mom mentioned it to them. mom was tired, worn out from crying. i guess secretly i was hoping for a cake and some streamers and all of my brothers together. i wanted a real birthday dinner where mom makes spaghetti or my favorite food and we all have a good time, and she tells the story of the day i born. these are traditions that i try to help make happen, i wish they would happen for me. i even wore my new pretty skirt. it's orange and patterned.

i'm sick of being the one to make sure no one gets forgotten and everyone feels special and making the happy place happy.

....and somehow when your boss picks up your favorite cake it's really neat and really depressing all at the same time. I had a piece, too, it was 400 calories of pure guiltless pleasure. Double tiered strawberry shortcake with whipped cream icing (you know the really dense, creamy, whipped cream that chills hard and leaves a coating on the roof of your mouth..mmmmm)

I got a really pretty pair of earings that mom gave me last weekend since she can never wait until the 'day of' to give a gift. Devin, Daryl, and David all called. and Erica. and Kathy. and Doug might take me to the Australian place so I can have my favorite aussie desert. and he's helping me get Skippy tuned up, and helping my bank bullshit. so again, I'm just being a selfish brat.

oh, and I'm 26 today.