foodie hell
I pulled my groin muscle sometime today. Or maybe it was yesterday and I just feel it now. I don't know. The knee doctor says to limit my lunges. I am now waddling around like a Weeble and am really nervous about working with the personal trainer tomorrow.
I have also slacked off on my keeping the "food diary" that I'm supposed to keep. I spent an hour each night calculating calories....and it drove me nuts because I love food - so I'm always eating something different and fun -- even if it is healthy, so I don't have "set" foods that I can count the calories on.
For example dinner (officially) tonight was:
1 box Annie's Bunny Pasta w/ Yummy Cheese (a gift from E2...thanks!)
with 2 cans of chunk white tuna mixed in
and three or four scallions
and 1 tomato, chopped and barely cooked
oh and 6 pieces of fresh steamed asparagus.
Even a simple throw together dinner like that is a pain in the butt. What I would do here is add the total calories of the pasta dish and divide by 1/3 since that's how much I had... roughly.
*sigh*
Of course my first dinner was half a container of Healthy Choice Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, 2 pickled eggs, and a Healthy Choice french bread pizza.
Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't think that quiting smoking has helped. I mean, I generally am making much better food choices. But today on the way to the doctor's I was absolutely fiending for a cigarette and did not have one. So on the way back, I was fighting the desire for french fries.. which I won.... until I saw the ice cream in the freezer and that was it.
It craving transferrance. I can't do it all at once. I'm working out regularly. Lost a bit of weight, not gaining and quit smoking for over a month. I think I need to re-adjust my focus. I bit long of being fat isn't going to hurt me if I end up caving on the cigs. Also-- I can feel my muscles developing under the fat, so I'm still doing okay.
I just have to convince myself of that. Plus, I have oral issues on both sides of my mouth right now that make eating crunchy, chunky or otherwise not bready and soft foods -- a bit painfull, okay very painful, and slow which makes things even more frustating.
I'm extremely scared of the dentist since I know I need a lot of work done, but I can't deal with the pain. The fact of the matter is,I can handle any one of these things by themselves, but all together, they are turning something I love into something I dread. Very much in the vein of "A Clockwork Orange"... so staying off the cigs, watching the diet, but not angsting over it, and D is finding me a dentist.
On a lighter note-- I did pic up some fresh strawberries from the Amish fruit stand ( so yummy and sun-warm and juicy!) that looked so good that I got some rhubarb too. So D and I are having strawberry-rhubarb cobbler right now, and yes you can be jealous. It's good. I added the juice of a lime and it really brought out the flavors well. Sooo good.
...see there I go with the cookin, and the eatin, and stuff. *sigh*
I have also slacked off on my keeping the "food diary" that I'm supposed to keep. I spent an hour each night calculating calories....and it drove me nuts because I love food - so I'm always eating something different and fun -- even if it is healthy, so I don't have "set" foods that I can count the calories on.
For example dinner (officially) tonight was:
1 box Annie's Bunny Pasta w/ Yummy Cheese (a gift from E2...thanks!)
with 2 cans of chunk white tuna mixed in
and three or four scallions
and 1 tomato, chopped and barely cooked
oh and 6 pieces of fresh steamed asparagus.
Even a simple throw together dinner like that is a pain in the butt. What I would do here is add the total calories of the pasta dish and divide by 1/3 since that's how much I had... roughly.
*sigh*
Of course my first dinner was half a container of Healthy Choice Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, 2 pickled eggs, and a Healthy Choice french bread pizza.
Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't think that quiting smoking has helped. I mean, I generally am making much better food choices. But today on the way to the doctor's I was absolutely fiending for a cigarette and did not have one. So on the way back, I was fighting the desire for french fries.. which I won.... until I saw the ice cream in the freezer and that was it.
It craving transferrance. I can't do it all at once. I'm working out regularly. Lost a bit of weight, not gaining and quit smoking for over a month. I think I need to re-adjust my focus. I bit long of being fat isn't going to hurt me if I end up caving on the cigs. Also-- I can feel my muscles developing under the fat, so I'm still doing okay.
I just have to convince myself of that. Plus, I have oral issues on both sides of my mouth right now that make eating crunchy, chunky or otherwise not bready and soft foods -- a bit painfull, okay very painful, and slow which makes things even more frustating.
I'm extremely scared of the dentist since I know I need a lot of work done, but I can't deal with the pain. The fact of the matter is,I can handle any one of these things by themselves, but all together, they are turning something I love into something I dread. Very much in the vein of "A Clockwork Orange"... so staying off the cigs, watching the diet, but not angsting over it, and D is finding me a dentist.
On a lighter note-- I did pic up some fresh strawberries from the Amish fruit stand ( so yummy and sun-warm and juicy!) that looked so good that I got some rhubarb too. So D and I are having strawberry-rhubarb cobbler right now, and yes you can be jealous. It's good. I added the juice of a lime and it really brought out the flavors well. Sooo good.
...see there I go with the cookin, and the eatin, and stuff. *sigh*
posted by Laura | 9:58 PM
6 Comments:
It's funny, all this calorie countin'...I've been checking out these pro-anorexia forums lately, and they do the same thing (only with no eating - or they freak out if they have 1050 calories that day)...and I'm like...calories...I don't get it. Eat yummie food! Screw Calories - they're too much pressure!! Personal trainer, however, I'm into. Exercise, toning, all good. Waifness...ugly.
and good luck with the not-smoking thing...I can't get off my ciggs. I'd like too - but it's TOUGH, and I've tried, and currently am winning a little battle with them. So, I feel your nic fit pain...
yeah, i was reading you post on Ana, and I'd read that same article earlier that really did make it sound like what it was not, I wanted to smack the chicks around too -- however its very sad. i'm not big on waifdom at all, but at 6 ft tall and 270 lbs there's just too much of me to be healthy -- sure it's all firm and proportioned now, but what about when I get older...? so yeah, I gotta loose it, it's just hard. *sigh* of course being very thin and malnourished is almost if not more bad, i think I'd rather be overnourished. *grin*
the cig battle is a tough one. I found my back bone somewhere and have been able to do it so far -- of course I was a beast for the first few weeks. but... it's getting better. I have a whole box of Nicorette you're welcome too -- I just couldn't deal with it.
Laura, keep big track of your successes and don't fret so much about the setbacks. They are only temporary. If you win a major battle, reward yourself...try bubble baths or moonlit walks. Take care of that mouth, the knee, and the groin...we're right behind you.
Ahhh - well, ya know what? No matter what, I think you're a goddess. And health is the key to loosing weight, not being a stick. Don't pressure yourself too much to begin with - personal trainers, calorie counters, low fat desserts, oh my! Start incorporating exercise wherever you can to start out with, maybe - park at the end of the parking lot, walk to closer stores...etc. Walking is amazing for health. We're such an automobile country - it's no wonder we start packin on the pounds, even if there are no double cheeseburgers involved!
definately big on that idea -- i park at the furthest end of the lot to walk in, take the stairs, etc. progress is good. cheeseburgers are good. i have denied the cheeseburgers many times now and am quite happy about that. :)
you are such a good motivator, dezi.
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